Hi! This past week was surely a roller coaster of emotions. I made up with that old friend of mine I mentioned in my 10/05 entry: it was the best choice ever, to finally let go of any grudges and just accept past mistakes. And so I'm quite happy with how things turned out.
I'm glad I waited until now to re-establish our friendship though: I needed time to process everything and grow. Take this as a reminder to be patient with yourself and your journey, but also stay open to the idea that things can indeed get better at one point, and if you feel like it's time to set the record straight, it might be worth considering!
Forgiving (both yourself and someone else) is not easy, and you shouldn't feel guilty if you aren't able to do it in this moment. Maybe one day you will, maybe not. It doesn't make your experience any less valid. Sending a hug!

Hello! I watched a bit of Eurovision this weekend. What can I say? JJ (Austria, aka the winner) was amazing and deserved that win. But Israel got in second place, which was.. unbelievable. Not only was the song average, but come on: it's Israel. And the singer herself said that she agrees with "everything Israel is doing". You know what Israel is doing, right? How tf can you agree with that? There's no place for these outdated and hateful views. I'm disappointed and Eurovision can stop existing if it allows this kind of stuff. No excuse. It's supposed to be a music contest that brings people together, not justifying gen0cide. Simply unbelievable.

(Happy birthday to my friend Marty!) Hello thereee. These past few days have been better! Just found some peace and quiet and patience. University was very demanding of my energy, but I got through this week as well! (Oh, the exam went well if u were wondering. I got.. 29/30. Yeah 💀 We don't talk about that). I had a bit of a moment on wednesday though: I dressed more sporty than usual, and somehow I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable and ugly. It's a style I haven't been wearing a lot, so it just felt out of my comfort zone. But exploring fashion requires you to have days like that: you put an outfit on, and feel like a clown. Now you know that the following time you might want to change something, whether it's the outfit itself or your attitude towards it. I'll say, it wasn't an ugly outfit: a black sweatshirt tucked in some olive green cargo trousers, with a checkered black and white belt, and white converse shoes. I put some thought into it as well. But I just felt.. naked! I usually wear button up shirts, vests, jumpers.. oh, and jeans. I love jeans. They're my favourite type of trousers. So yeah. And on top of everything, I met a person on the train (an old friend with whom I have plenty of history, but we won't get into that here), and I was feeling the ugliest toad on earth. But it's all about self-confidence. I guess I've found something that makes me more confident (shirts and ties), but I still have to work on other type of wear. I can't always be wearing ties, you know? ...OR CAN I? Mh. WELL, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY XD. I just want to broaden my horizons a bit. We'll see. I also really like colourful and childish wear, like bright colours and cute prints, and hair pins and kandi bracelets.. But I only wear those when I feel extra confident. Well, I never wear hair pins in public: I have yet to see a man wearing those. It takes courage to express yourself, and I'm still gathering it. Well, I'll update you on my fashionista journey LOL. Stay safe and have some fun with fashion! Lots of love xx

Hello my fellow web surfers. Today was NOT my day at all XD. The exam itself was.. okay?? I think I did well (but I'll find out tomorrow). Though I was unsure about a specific question.. I picked an answer (it was multiple choice), but was unsure, so I changed answer near the end of the test. Aaaand I had picked the right one in the beginning. This made me really sad, but not because I made a mistake (the mark itself isn't that important), but because of WHY i made that mistake. It was caused by my uncertainty, by a lack of esteem and respect for my thoughts and opinions. I had picked an answer, but didn't feel confident enough, for who knows what reason. So why did I do that? Was it the fact that I had only slept 1 hour last night? Was it the anxiety? Was it thoughts about unrequited love and home? Who knows. All I know is that a strong feeling of disappointment came rushing over me. And it's still there. So after this, I went outside and met my other friends, and I told them about it. They.. ignored it, basically. And it's okay, it's not something you gotta read into: they were thinking about other things. Still, it made me feel lonely and misunderstood and invisible, which is something that I've been feeling often lately. We went shopping together, but I was not feeling it, so I decided to say bye and head to the train station to go back home and get some rest.
But hell naw.
There was a train strike going on, so my train was cancelled 💀. I looked for a bus, and it came right past me. But I waited for the following bus, and got in 😎. I finally got home and was able to relax a bit. I was super tense all day long, frowning and just having this very sad look on my face, which was hard to take off. You know what they say. "You're never fully dressed without a smile". That quote makes me feel guilty for being sad. But I realise that's not a healthy way of dealing with it. Right now I'm home, typing on my computer. I'm tired and I have quite a headache. But I survived the day, and that's what matters.
I'd like to share a little thing I do to cope with heavy emotions: I do some temporary tattoos! You know, those kids tattoos that you apply with water? They really help. If you ever struggle regulating your emotions, you could try that! Plus they look cute, so why not? ^^
Hopefully tomorrow won't be as tough. But who knows, it might even get worse. Hey i'm just being realistic here XD. Anyway. Stay safe!!

*this entry has been edited a bit to better protect my privacy

Hey there! I haven't been updating my journal in a while. I've been quite busy with university and overall stressed, so I'm trying my best to stay afloat and calm. It's not always easy, but I think I'm doing a good job! ^^ I don't have any big update. I took a public law exam, which went very well, and I'm happy about it. And tomorrow I have another exam, this time on social psychology. I'm not a big fan of psychology, I have to say. It always seems very.. limited. Humans are incredibly complex and no lecture can explain everything. I guess I have a prejudice when it comes to psychology, and it might stem from my terrible experiences with therapists and psychiatrists. I hope that one day I'll be able to change my mind. But so far, these doctors (and I've changed 7 in total) only gave me insights and advice that even a friend could have given me. So it doesn't feel that groundbreaking.
I remember when I told my therapist that I wanted to go back to school and get my diploma. She told me I shouldn't do it, because I was already too old (I was.. 19 💀) and I wouldn't have been able to socialise. Thank god I didn't listen to her: I made great friends, learnt a lot, graduated with the maximum score and now I'm studying at university!
And there are many other examples I could give, but hey: I don't want this entry to be a rant! Though I guess I do treat journaling like that. I just let my thoughts flow and take me wherever they want. Anyway. Today I had a nice skincare day, to relax a bit. And it helped! I love taking care of my body, it's a special moment where I connect with myself. I might share my skincare routine here one day: feeling like a 2015 makeup guru on youtube. Did you also watch those creators? I'm talking like.. Zoella. Y'ALL REMEMBER ZOELLA?? God. I even had a fanpage about Dan and Phil (who I still watch). Okay i'm going off a tangent here XD
I'm a bit worried for tomorrow's exam: I have very high standards and expectations when it comes to myself. I'm still learning to.. take things easy. It's a long process, and I'll do my best to stay patient and be kind with myself. Lots of things happened lately (too personal to share), so my mind is all over the place. But that's what being human means sometimes. I'll embrace it 💗

Hello! What a day I bought my first e-reader ever (a kobo clara bw) and learnt to solve rubik's cube (using this youtube tutorial)-which btw is SO FUN. My father has always been passionate about rubik's cubes, and has a nice collection of them in different variations. He always insisted I learned how to solve them as a kid, but I just feel too pressured into it, and never tried But today- I don't know why- I suddenly felt like trying to solve it. And.. I managed to do it four times already! ^^ A nice little skill to have, honestly. It's quite relaxing!

(happy birthday to my friend Irene!) Hey there! Ah, it's friday! University has been quite demanding lately, in terms of energy! I'm pushing through though. We're studying private and public law, which is incredibly interesting. You know, I've always been fascinated by how people get together and create governments to try and make things work. It's a noble thing! Of course most politicians are not worthy of that title. But in its pure form, I quite like the idea of law. I guess it can get out of hand pretty quickly easily.. which is why I love preventive measures and papers with the fundamental rights and principles of a certain State, like the Consitution. Ah, what am I saying?! It's almost 11 pm, and you might want to know that I'm the biggest sleeper ever. World record napper. Best tired boy. I usually go to bed at around 9 pm. And my bed routine is as follows: skincare, reading a book in bed, falling asleep. I put my phone away before all of this, because I don't want to check my phone in bed. It gets super easy to just mindlessly scroll.. and it doesn't make me feel good. Bed time is a time to relax, wind down after a long day, take care of oneself. It's a precious moment for me. Which is probably why I don't like partying at night. It just gets my schedule messed up! But don't worry, I do have a social life and sometimes am in fact forced to spend the night out.. XD I'm more of a "let's hang out at 3 pm" person. Yeah, I know. But see, my body wants to sleep at night, and who am I to refuse such a gentle request? So. I'll sleep now. LMAO i don't know what this entry was XD i'll.. talk to you all more soon! Stay safe, much love and good sleep/nap/rest to everyone!

Helloo! Just played Uno (the card game) with my family: I won every round Very proud of that, ahah! Today I was very sleepy, but decided to hang out a bit with my friend Elliot. We had a bubble tea and talked a bit, nothing big! I like this kind of thing, very relaxing and chill. Overall it was a good day! I spent a decent part of it looking at websites: so many people have incredible talent and make the cutest websites. It's lovely to see ^^

hi :) you ever find it hard to move on from someone, even though it's been years? it's not easy to accept how much you miss them and how much love is lacking everywhere. in these moments, i like to indulge in some sadness and then listen to "supreme" by robbie williams, to end on a positive note :)

hello there! march is almost coming to an end (which means my law exam is soon, but let's ignore that). spring has been giving me lots of joy especially PIGEONS. they look happy in the sunlight. i want to buy some seeds to feed them! i live in italy, and some cities here have laws against feeding pigeons. watch me become a criminal, mama (just kidding, i'm kidding, i'll follow the law. maybe). well. it's raining right now, but even when we don't see it, the sun is always there, just behind the clouds! it'll come out soon, so let's appreciate this rain in the meantime.

i have maaany things to talk about actually, but i've been quite busy and sleepy, so i'll update you soon! stay safe mates!

hii! great news: i got the date for my legal name change! it's going to be in june, and i'm so excited! i've been waiting for this moment for years and years.. it's finally here! ^^ today i've started playing tomb raider 2: it's improving my mood quite a bit!

hey ^-^ today i've been feeling better :) played a lot of tomb raider and studied some law. but most importantly: took a nice nap. i was inspired by my cat, the best napper in the world!

hi there! these days haven't been exactly easy. homotransphobic hate is really getting to me.. i'll do my best to stay strong :) Just wish i could live out my life without continuously having to justify it. maybe one day we'll get there. stay safe everyone! xx

hello tonight i do feel a bit sad. there's so much hate everywhere, it really hurts me. but pain isn't always a negative thing: it also has a creative power. collective pain brought about amazing change all throughout history, from the rights of workers, to the ones of women, black people, healthcare, and so much more. i'll do my best to use this pain in the best way possible: it's a telltale sign that love is lacking. and i'll do my part in bringing kindness to the world. much love to anyone struggling today!

finally got my hands on tomb raider I-III remastered! i'm playing it on PC and i'm having so much fun ^^ Lara Croft has always been an inspiration for me

hi and happy international women's day! today is a great day to stop and reflect on the incredible fight women and woman presenting people have been carrying since the dawn of time. the fight is far from over, which is why it's necessary that we stay informed and alert, each doing our part for what is right and just. you can find the report on global gender gap (world economic forum, 2024) here. Much love to everyone!

hello! today i was on the train, and a guy was sitting next to me. he looked like a "maranza" (an italian word for.. a young boy that dresses like a criminal rapper). well, the way he was carrying himself and the outfit made me assume he was someone i needed to be careful around. but what does he do then? he helps an old couple place their luggages on the train, and in doing so he smiles and is super kind. it was such a sweet and lovely gesture, and so unexpected based on his look! it reminded me that even when i try my best to be open minded, i still fall victim to stereotypes and wrong assumptions. i think our society would benefit a lot from a change in the way we view strangers: not as a potential threat, but more as a human we don't know. they might be a billion different things, but always assuming the worst, especially just based on looks, is not the way to go. of course i'm not saying go out and trust every person you see.. but we should pay more attention to our prejudices, even when they are subconscious, and try to make an effort to let people show what they are, instead of having us assuming what they are.

hi there! oh my, the first entry on this website. very exciting. i started learning how to code only yesterday, which means i'm still a beginner (and it's easy to tell). either way, i'm having lots of fun! i was intrigued by the idea of the indie web, a more personal space on the internet, not always linked to money-making or becoming an influencer or anything like that. this is a chill place, a safe space to express yourself. and i like it!